


maid boner part time

by r0wlets



Category: Tales of Series, Tales of Xillia, Tales of the World: Radiant Mythology 3
Genre: F/M, NSFW, judehart, they're both of age in this au i'm just a bad horny writer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-07 01:02:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16844002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/r0wlets/pseuds/r0wlets
Summary: Jude goes to a cat/maid cafe and is sensitive for his own good. Oneshot.





	maid boner part time

**Author's Note:**

> For Meli. I'm sorry, Meli, ahaha...

_maid boner part-time_

Jude thumbed through the pink and white menu, wondering what he should order. He’d been stressed. Very stressed. So stressed from being unemployed that he resorted to hours of spending time at the homeless shelter coddling patients until the volunteers finally kicked out. Then he spent hours coddling kids at Elize’s school until the administration kicked him out. And then he spent hours in the garage trying to fix the 1975 Volkswagen that was _never going to be fixed_ until finally Leia and Milla kicked him out of the house, throwing money at him so he could find a healthy way to relax. 

He traced the outline of the cat pictures, suppressing his urge to sneeze as a white cat rubbed against his leg. He was actually looking forward to this cat café, even though he had a slight cat allergy. Cats took care of themselves and sat on their owners’ faces when they wanted something or to be a menace. It was mildly fascinating. If he wanted to deal with a rashy hand, he could reach out and pet one. Since he wasn’t currently working at a hospital, the option was tempting. 

The white cat stared at him, moving its tail while its green eyes looked on with curiosity. Jude turned to it and pointed to the menu. Maybe he’d been devoid of proper human interaction for too long. “All of these options look pretty good.”

“They sure do.”

Jude blinked. Was…was the cat talking to him?

“Uh, if I get an omurice, would you like to split it with me?”

“Sure! Just gimme what you want written on it.”

“Wow, for a cat you sure are pretty smart!”

“Behind you, dumdum.”

He looked over his shoulder to see a girl in a frilly blue maid uniform puffing her cheeks at him. Her eyes were as green as the cat’s, but her hair was tied up in a pink side-ponytail. But she was just as cute, too…wait. He was supposed to be ordering. Laughing nervously, he scratched the back of his head, trying to play it as cool as possible. “Oh, right. I’d like it to say H2Gozaimasu.”

“H2GoPlatypus?” The maid’s expression went from slightly peeved to mildly annoyed. “Is that the name of a sportsball team or something?”

Jude waved his hands, blushing. “No, no. H2Gozaimasu. Y’see, gozaimasu is derived from ‘arigatou gozaimasu’, the Japanese phrase for ‘thank you’. The H2 part is from H2O, the chemical symbol for water. It’s really nerdy, but I just wanted it to say ‘thank you water’ in my own special way. Y’see, I’m a graduate school graduate in the medical field with a slight minor in linguistics, and I find chemical language and wordplay quite fascinating, so-“

“Yeah?”

“Hmmm?”

“You’re such a nerd,” the girl agreed, smiling. Placing her hand over Jude’s knuckles, she gently squeezed his bones. “I’m not much of a word person, but I’ll see what I can do, ‘kay? In the meantime…uhhh…why don’t you enjoy my boss’s cat? He’s big and obese and his name is Rollo and he meows when you don’t give him your food.”

She picked up a different cat and plopped it on Jude’s lap before scurrying it off. Oh, no. His maid was cute and his legs already felt scratchy from the cat on top of hm. Rollo looked like the most bored cat in existence as it yawned loudly and kneaded on his nice work slacks. Oh, no. He was perpetually trapped, unable to flee in the event he couldn’t see this cat café excursion all the way through. 

Rollo looked at him expectantly. Unable to resist the cat’s charm, he scratched behind his ears and tugged on its fat cheeks. He was so _warm_. 

His hands turned redder and redder as he cJuontinued to pet the cat. When the maid arrived with the omurice, she abruptly stopped, her eyes widening. “Oh, my God! Are your hands okay, dude?”

Jude looked at his puffy hands, then nodded. “Oh, yeah. I just got a slight allergy.”

“Why are you at a cat café, then, stupid? Oh, my God, I shouldn’ta put Rollo without you knowing. Scat, Rollo! Go bother Julius or something.”

She heaved the giant cat into her arms. Jude waved dismissively, attempting to smile but sneezing instead. “It’s – achoo! – fine. I love cats. I just can’t pet them for too long or else I get like this. It’s not life-threatening or anything, don’t worry. Besides, I’m pretty unemployed right now, so I can take the extra discomfort right now.”

The maid frowned, crouching down to his eye-level. “Well, let me at least get some of the cat hair off of you. Your thighs are gonna get blisters that way.”

Brushing her fingers against his thighs, she gently wiped away the few hair clods that Rollo had already put on him. Jude kept himself as still a stone, not daring to even breathe lest he make his maid aware of his sensitive appendage. Damn him for getting boners way too easily. Leia had warned him that he should’ve had condoms stuffed in his fanny pack at all times, but he had to be the one who claimed that abstinence was the cure-all to all natural boning. He was a scientist, not a sex fiend.

“Uh. Are you okay, dude?”

He was as white as a sheet and his boner felt like it was going through early onset arthritis. He nodded anyway, trying to distract them with absolutely anything else. “The omurice looks nice,” he squeaked.

“Yeah! Hold on, I’m gonna give you my own special take on your ‘thank you water’ meme. Hi-yah!”

Spinning a ketchup bottle in her hands, the girl karate chopped a few squirts into the rice. In the process it splattered all over Jude’s pants. Right over his netherregion. His boner was going to explode. “You…wouldn’t happen to have an extra pair of pants, do you?”

“Oh, my God, your voice keeps getting higher and higher. Ye, c’mon into the back and I can set you up with a uniform. The name’s Kanonno, but you can call me Earhart, lover of your dreams.”

Earhart yanked Jude out of his seat and towards the back. Jude felt like he was going to die, knowing that not only the other patrons but all of the cats were seeing his mild, massive boner as well. Well, at least he hoped it was massive, since it physically pained him to walk now. He made sure not to walk too close to the maid so he wouldn’t brush against her and she wouldn’t call the police on him. If he could quickly get another pair of pants, he could just rush to the bathroom and settle this. No wonder public bathrooms were not the cleanest place in the world. 

“Ah, crap, all of these are too big. You’re gonna have to make do, kid.”

“Jude.”

“Eh?”

“It’s Jude.”

Jude turned to the side and began changing, putting on a scratchy, dark butler uniform. When he took off his pants, he felt his boner gasp for air as it slowly deflated. Something else felt awkward, however, as he put on the new pair of pants and a belt and found that Earhart was staring right at him. And his boner. He felt faint. Worse, he didn’t think the biggest condom balloons would fix this problem. “Sorry. I-I-I should’ve waited until I made sure you were out of the room…”

“I need you to work here an erotic butler immediately.”

“Um. Earhart?...”

His back howled in pain as he was tackled by the maid and his mouth was inviting a strange new tongue. His breathing became shallow and his boner went right back to full-force again. As his hands combed through the back of her hair, he was pretty sure he was going to have his next job soon…


End file.
